how many heartbreaks

How many could be solved if kids would listen to those of us who are older and wiser thru experience than they are? My younger SD came home from school yesterday crying because she found out that her recently ex boyfriend was dating someone else, who had also been one of her friends. So I let her cry in my arms and then we came up with a plan of attack which involves her giving all his stuff back---what that entails I don't know, as it is all in her room at her mom's. Then she tells him that the being friends thing is not going to work and he just needs to stay away from her so she can go on with her life. I've already talked to the boy's mom and told her the same thing. Nothing against her, and she understands that, but he made a decision and he is going to have to live with it, just as Kate will have to work thru her end of it as well. By the end of the evening, I had her laughing and being more herself again.

Out of all my kids, she probably gets to me the most when she cries. Maybe because she doesn't do it. She has always let stuff roll off her back, just like her dad, but about once a year or so, something hits her hard and she cries. And it kills me to see. Even when she had some complicity in whatever situation it was. Like this one. It doesn't mean I let her off the hook, and she has never used it just to get her way with me, like Sis has done and Lil Sis can do too. The boys have cried too, but as they get older, they seem to get wiser. Maybe it's from watching the girls and all they do, and when any of them get to that point, I listen and comfort.

And saying I told you so just doesn't seem right. Even though me and her dad have said it, and in this situation, we both remember being that age and pinning our hopes on that one person, only to have them dashed. I'm glad Kate had the idealism and innocence enough to have the girlish dreams I remember so well. I hate to see them disappear. But they will come back, hopefully when she has grown up a bit more, and hopefully whatever guy inspires them will be man enough to respect her and her dreams and be much more careful of them than this guy turned out to be. And Kate knows, in her head, that this wasn't meant to last. But convincing the heart, well, that takes a little more doing sometimes.

So guys remember, we may be old(!?), but when it comes to love, we remember every detail of every heartbreak we ever had. And in advising you to stay free, and not tie yourself to one person so young, and to behave yourselves when dating (knowwhutImeanVern?), we know what we are talking about, and it's not that we don't want you to grow up and be in a loving relationship that lasts for a lifetime----we advise you like we do BECAUSE we want that very thing. We want you to have the love of a lifetime, and for it to last that lifetime.

And we don't want you to have to shed the tears we did.

Maybe unrealistic, but still a hope.

Memorial Day weekend

It's a weekend. It's just about in the history books as a fairly exciting one---and I don't mean b/c of the Nascar race. We had our last T-ball game, unless we do a mommie's game, on Saturday, and other than that, I spent the day cooking and cleaning and making the teens crazy by insisting that they help. Got into bed about 11:30 or so.

Up Sunday at 9 or so, showered, and started rousting the crew up out of bed so we could not have the usual scene of me yelling at stragglers as I try to get us out the door somewhat on time. Sorry about my luck......But got to my aunt's in time and had a good time. Came home and then me and girls went to Michael's and ACMoore's, out of sheer boredom, more than anything else. Got them some craft kits, and me a couple packs of stickers to use on Shel's Tball scrapbook. Stopped and got pizza at Lil'Caesar's and came home about 100 laps into race. Watched the race while kids played PS2 and worked on crafts, then put Shel to bed and finished watching race. Then I hit the tub and hit the bed--had to work today. About 11:30, he and I were just getting into a really good sleep--I think I was ahead of him though---I saw him come back and put his pop on the nightstand, and by the time he got done in the bathroom, I was out.

Not for long. He said he had just dozed off when he heard an explosion. He shook me awake just in time to hear the next one, and that is when Kate came running back thru the house yelling that something was on fire on the other side of our neighbors, who were in Virginia for a funeral.
Oh Shit, I thought as we ran for the door and saw that it was not at their house, but a couple of doors down where a towing business is--one of their dump trucks was on fire. We had thought at first it might be a meth lab---as they do seem to appear in the county, although we had never heard of one in our immediate area. Ron jumped on his 4wheeler and I grabbed a flashlight to check on the neighbor's house and animals, leaving Kate at home with the other kids--who slept thru it all!!!! The neighbors across the road by the ball field came running over too, and we watched as it burned and the fire dept began its work.---yeah we called 911 of course before anything.

We stayed well away from the scene while observing, and then after about 10 minutes or so, came back home and watched from our porch until the smell of burning rubber really rolled in and we ran and closed the windows and went to bed.

The truck is still sitting there today, with caution tape around it. No one ever came around asking questions, so who knows what happened to make it explode like that. The owners were out of town camping, we heard, and most other neighbors close by were gone for the weekend too.

I told Ron I moved to the country to get away from all the excitement........LOL.......

weekend--or weakened?

Yep, started out by hitting Foodfair and Kroger after work last night--meaning I got home about 10:30 pm---was in bed by 11:30, as I had already told the kids that we would all be up by 8 am to clean and begin cooking for the reunion tomorrow. Much griping from kids when 8am hit. Kate didn't actually gripe, just moped around with quilt wrapped around her. Ben pouted, and Chris flat out said it was way too early. The biggest gripe was picking up stuff and changing sheets. My comment was that if people would pick their stuff up when thru, then there would be no need for me to waste MY day off griping at them to do what they should have been doing all along.

Then it hit 9:30 and we still were not ready to walk out the door to Shel's last t-ball game of the season. It was supposed to be a team vs mommies game, but got changed to a regular t-ball game at last minute. That was cool---half the team is related and going to be at the reunion tomorrow, so us hens sat in the stands and talked about cleaning house and remodeling and what we were fixing for tomorrow. Punctuated by loud catcalls and cheers for each kid as they batted and ran the bases. We are equal opportunity cheer-ers----most of these kids go to school together, so we cheer for all of them. It was a 15-15 game, as usual.........They all played hard and payed attention---great for a group of 5-7 yr olds....

We came home and I turned laundry again, and we got lunch before the boys headed back to the ball field to work the concession stands for the noon game. Kate and Shel and I got lunch and Shel cleaned her room-----fair job, not great---after a showdown between her and me over the room needing cleaned to begin with. Neither of us won, of course, but her room is much more liveable--mainly the closet is left to be done. We decided it was time for a nap, so we took a short one, and now the boys have just finished up washing the tables and chairs for tomorrow and they are all on the PS2 playing King of Hearts.

I have turned umpteen loads of laundry today, and am heartily sick of it, but sheets and quilts and all that really needed the wash. Too bad Ron has concreted the clotheline posts back into place so I could use the line instead of the dryer----at least AEP is paid off!!! But the weather has been too wet lately for him to even think of trying yet.

I guess I need to get cleaned up and get back to the kitchen---I still have dessert to make and the eggs to devil----they are in fridge awaiting my pleasure, plus I am going to fry drumsticks for the kids who may not want the grilled chicken breasts Mom is doing. I've got pop and water, just have to get ice in the morning for the coolers. The kids are complaining the fridge smells like rotten eggs----or the human byproduct of----but oh well.........

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone!!!!

so much for that......

Well, as a quick update---so much for printing out the prom pics-----I keep forgetting to stop at our local Ink in a Blink to refill my ink cartridges, but even when I do, I guess I will just be printing off a few---Kate's boyfriend broke up with her yesterday at school. I honestly don't have all the details--I'm sure she will be here tomorrow night as usual, so I'm sure we will get more then, but of course she is heartbroken and cried all day. Her sister and this boy apparently had some very loud words with each other at school yesterday after it happened, and ended up in the principal's office and the girls' mom ok'd them coming home so they could calm down, I guess. I have a couple of opinions on that, but since legally I don't have a dog in this fight........

Anyway, I guess, as I told my best friend, maybe one of these days girls will listen to those who tell them how things should be in the dating world during the teen years. All the lectures and preaching and stories of things gone wrong don't seem to sink in until the rolling pin hits you upside the head, huh? I have now told the boys they will never be allowed to date........LOL......

And of course, Ron has already told Shel----the 6 yr old!!!!---that her prom dress will be a solid chain of heavily fortified metal, with an unbreakable lock holding it together, What we didn't tell her is we are going to have custom made a chastity belt----with no key available......LOL.....At least with Shel, she won't be going back and forth b/w two set of parents with two different standards and rules and expectations.

Just an aside---"Investigators to dig for bodies at Manson refuge." Um, Hello? Manson was like almost 40 yrs ago. He's not going to get out of prison at this point, and any bodies would be dust by now. Point would be?

Well, going to get off of here and start laundry and dishes and getting ready for the concert(s) tonight. Later, y'all.

rain rain......

I'd like to say go away, but I know the gardens need it. Except the tomatoes. I'm not sure they are digging the rain as much as everything else is. My flowers are loving it, though. Hey the sun just came out--for how long, no one knows. Ah well, we'll pray for the rain in July and August, probably...

Such fun, anyway. Last minute debate b/w myself and Chris' English teacher. So much for going thru the whole eyar without one. No kindergarten graduation--Shel's school doesn't do that anymore. No 8th grade graduation--Ben's school "does not have a gym available to seat everyone this year" as I was very snottily informed by whoever answered the phone at the middle school the other day. Yeah, well they have an auditorium, don;t they? Plus we had the secretary and the counselors try to tell me I could not pick Ben up the other morning for his orthodontist appt, because they were still taking the WESTEST. I told them that Ben needed to be in the office within the next 5 minutes or he would be late for his appt. and one finally got on the computer and checked to see where Ben was---he had finished the test 45 minutes earlier!!!!
I was preparing my "well we will just contact the police and my attorney" speech, when the one went to get him. As we were leaving the office a couple of minutes later, I looked at Ben and said, "well they tried." When I dropped him back off, I made the point of walking back into the office to sign him back in, and they were just as nice as could be. Hmmmmm....

Which brings me to my next point. The WESTEST is flawed. It does not test for the classes the kids are taking. It tests for what the powers that be think the kids should be taking. Example: for the 10th graders, it tests for biology, which it just so happens my son is taking this year. Quite a few of his friends opted to take chemistry this year, and so therefore were unprepared for all the biology on it. Should it not be given based on the class you are in? At least at the high school level? Then again, my 8th grader is taking two high school level courses while in 8th grade, instead of taking the basic courses. So this year he was tested on pre-algebra, which he took last year, instead of the algebra course he is currently taking. Go figure.

The test system is also flawed. The administrators and teachers are telling these kids that how they do on the test is how their classes for next year are scheduled and how their grades are determined, etc. Bullshit. Bluntly put. The test is a TEACHER scorecard, not a student scorecard. The test determines whether or not the school is doing their job, as defined by whatever the powers that be think that job should be. For many years now, that job has been how well the schools can teach TO the test, instead of teaching the actual material in the book. Instead of teaching kids how to reason, and use logic, and all that, the teachers are teaching that if what you think varies in the slightest from what they personally think, you are wrong. There is no room for thinking outside the box, so is it any wonder no one knows how to do that these days? No one has ever learned to think for themselves, because they have been taught not to. And then we wonder why so many 40 yr olds are still living with mommy and daddy and working as pizza delivery guys or something---because they have not been taught any differently.

My mom works at the university in this area, and comes in contact with professors from all different depts. And the majority have told her, and me when we talk about it with those that come into my store, that even some of the brightest kids coming into college are woefully unprepared for studies at the college level. They still expect to have it spoon fed to them, and that mommy and daddy will still fight their battles for them.

Mine didn't. The only battle they fought for me was the financial aid one, after I had reached the end of my tether over it. I remember Dad telling the lady in the financial aid office, as he was reaching the end of his patience, that he would come to campus and camp out on the president's doorstep unless she had a package together in the next 15 minutes. Keep in mind this was late July---bill was due within the next week, and the office had had all my paperwork since February or March. But they were working on the K's at that point; they hadn't gotten to the C's yet........Hello????

The financial aid officer had the package ready well within the allotted time.

But when it came to class schedules, assignments, grades, etc., that was my job. I was there, and my job was to learn. Some days I did better than others, some classes I did excellently in, others I bombed. All on my own merit. Even when I took a philosophy class and my term paper directly went against the belief of the professor, I still got a high B, because, like he said, it was a well thought out paper and I defended my position with facts, and he could not take off for that. See, I knew how to think, how to reason. Some days I wonder where that ability has gone too, and other days, I think I have to much of that ability. But I had it. And I used it. And I graduated in 4 yrs and have worked, with little exception, ever since. My actual degree in psychology may have gotten me in the door of the workplace, but it was my ability that has kept me there.

At the age of 40, I have worked, like I said with few exceptions, since I was 16. I have worked both entry level and management level positions. I have been both hourly and salaried, with benefits and without. The biggest change I have seen in my industry is in those who apply for work----the majority cannot properly fill out an application, math skills are history---if the correct answer does not appear on the computer screen, forget it----and most cannot think for themselves. Which so aggravates those of us who were educated without calculators and computers telling us the right answers, and who have had to problem solve on our own, after being told by our supervisor to figure it out and get the job done. These kids, and many of my own generation, can't handle it. They need babysat. They need to be led like 2 yr olds thru the maze.

Enough of my diatribe for now--it's sunny now and I'm going outside......

blah blah blah

all the kids are home and bedlam reigns. I mean ALL the kids are home.......I can't even think with all the noise. I need ink for my printer so I can print out the prom pictures from the other evening. I think they turned out pretty good. now I just need to print them to get them put into an album to take to work to show off. Plus I need to go ahead and put them on CD so I don't have to worry about them if something happens to the computer.

I've also been reading my brother's blog, Finding our Solid Ground. It's on blogspot also. It's about his and his wife's journey to be debt-free. I am beginning to think I need to listen to the cd's he has by Dave Ramsey---if it gave them some ideas how to accomplish this, maybe it will help us. I've already started cutting out unnecessary trips and purchases--with gas prices so astronomical, that only makes good sense anyway. I am gathering stuff around the house for a huge yard sale----even if we don't make big bucks, any extra will help, and is better than storing the junk we no longer use/wear. Which will help with organization. Which will help with knowing what we actually need, instead of guessing, which will help eliminate unneeded purchases---you see where this is going.......

We need to do something, as robbing peter to pay paul is really ticking peter off anymore, and I would rather just get set up to where things are paid on time, eliminating late charges and extra interest. Where dr bills don't strike immediate fear of how to pay to Rx's, etc. Where I do not have to worry about where the money for the kid's yearbook is coming from, much less shoes, clothes, etc.

I think Mike is right---the biggest thing is having the right mindset. If I get determined to accomplish debt-free, then it will happen. It will be difficult to start with, but we have already informed the kids that eating out so much is ending-----three weeks and not really any complaints. We are cooking more--which I don't think has really increased our grocery bills----and we are not double-dipping-----buying groceries then turning around and eating out just for convenience. My hobby of quilting is on a self-imposed hiatus from buying material, etc. that I do not really need. And I have started taking my lunch to work a couple of days a week---the rest of the time I generally grab a Lays stacker and work on it. Less time spent eating big greasy meals from the fast food giants eats less of a dent in my wallet, as well as in my oversized waistline. a couple of bucks a day beats 6-10 a day. My indulgence is the occasional $5 sub from Subway, sans chips and drink, which I can get cheaper at my store anyway. Ron tends not to eat out, or eat much of anything until dinner so if he occasionally eats at BK I'm not going to fuss too much.

What brought this on full force? Ron's truck repair a couple of weeks ago, coupled with the very real fact that our vehicles are not getting any younger and will probalby need replacing inthe next couple of years, if not sooner. We cannot afford another payment going out of here right now, and it is going to end up happening regardless of whether or not we are ready for it. There is no question of going down to only one vehicle---with our work hours and the stuff the kids are in---not greatly time consuming , but nevertheless.......two vehicles is mandatory. New probably won't happen, just new to us.........

Not to mention one child hopefully entering college this fall---although she has dragged her feet at every turn on getting her papers in, and has probably passed every deadline to turn the stuff
in......chris will be a junior in HS next year, with Kate, and Ben rapidly following. All with goals that make college a necessity.

Well, Ronnie just pulled in, so by e for now.....

prom night 2008

Well, it is over and done with now. My darling stepdaughters made it to and from prom safely. I haven't listened to the news today, but I sincerely hope that all others did too.

They were gorgeous. Hair, nails, dresses----although I have to admit, I would not have picked the dress the older one wore---for the style---I'm definitely more old fashioned that that---the color was beautiful on her. And the younger one just looked elegant in hers.

I am wondering where the flyaway hair and the knobby scabbed knees and the mismatched clothes and so on disappeared to, because there was not a reflection of any of that in these girls last night.

At least my end of kids getting ready for prom should be a little easier--at least until the 6 yr old hits that age. The other two are boys---shower, shave, put on tux. Whew!!!!!