end of vacation musings

Well, here we are at the end of another not so productive or exciting vacation......no big deal...I find as I get older, I don;t crave the have to be on the go excitement like I used to.....I'm very content to be at home with my family...maybe taking an occasional day trip......I like sleeping in my own bed, because at least I know who's been there....:)

So this week we have paid the car taxes for 2008/2009, so we are good to go for a while....my van now has a legal tag before the expiration date of the old one...we just have to get it inspected, but our choice of a garage to do that at is apparently closed for vacation....just for the record, we chose it because it has done the work on both vehicles recently, so at least if they tell me something needs done, I can believe it. That's ok, I can hit them on a day off next week, if I have one....store manager going on vacation now, so we'll see....

Overnighted copy of Ben's birth certificate to him in CT, so he will have it when he gets on the plane in NY in a couple of weeks to come home...The airline said since he is underage he does not have to have a photo ID, but the birth certificate could be helpful just in case there are questions...I am slowly putting his room back together after cleaning it inside and out a few weeks ago in search of his student ID....that in and of itself is a tale of sheer frustration and just complete astonishnment at the things I found....nothing illegal or contraband, but petrified sandwiches, pop bottles/cans, and all sorts of clothes.....just the short list.....I have to put pillowcases on his pillows and get the 10 loads of clothes I washed put back in his room....he gets to sort the boxes and totes when he gets home---we took 3 big hefty bags of trash out of there and 2 big bags of pop cans.....Shellie helped and as bad as her room gets--at least it's just junk...she was pretty disgusted, too.....

The girls and Ron and I went to see the 6th Harry Potter movie, and if you are a Facebook friend, you already know my opinion.....It really was not a bad movie, but if you are looking at it through the eyes of one who has read the book several times, it is a disappointment. There was so much that was cut out....personally I would rather it have run an hour longer and shown the parts that would have tied it together better than have a shorter version and miss so much....Chris and Ben saw it the weekend it came out, and they were disappointed also...there were no apparation lessons---vital in the next movie----no funeral for the headmaster...the look into Voldemort's past was nowhere deep enough to explain his origins.....just for starters...but we did have fun as a family....

I haven't watched the news at all this week...so other than the blurbs across the top of my computer screen, I have no clue as to what has been going on.....this is my de-stress week....I have noticed that the "cash for clunkers" program that the govt and the car dealers have been hyping so hard the last week is going to be shut down for lack of funds......ok, duh, who did not see that one coming....even I who will drive a car into the ground before even considering trading it in was thinking about checking it out......I mean heck, I only got a one year sticker for my license plate because who knows if it'll last that long--the thing is a '99, which makes at at least 10 years old, depending on date of manufacture...Ron's truck, a '98, is actually 12 yrs old b/c it was made in '97.......

And the rain continues to fall.....I set the alarm this morning so we could get up and drive to Parkersburg to hit the big craft mall and surrounding quilt stores....but with the raifall we have had overnight and into this morning, we cancelled that....maybe try again tomorrow, or maybe just head for Jackson, OH for Guhl's later, who knows........I've got one more vacation in about 3 weeks, so maybe try then before school starts the 26th....

Chris and I had a talk Tuesday morning about the whole college thing....he is adamant that he is not even applying to Marshall, but he did stand up to his dad on the whole AP class thing...his dad wanted him to drop the AP classes this year so he could get his GPA up by taking easier classes...Chris told him he has already got the books, done the summer reading and was not dropping the AP courses..he had already pared his schedule so that he could concentrate more on his AP classes instead of trying to pass other stuff too.....and he told his dad that he already carried a 3.8 pretty consistently, which is a damn good GPA for how he has struggled at times....He is aware that his GPA is no guarantee of college money, but he also knows that dropping back to a "normal" schedule would not help either---colleges look at the courses you take, not just the grade in them......

Shellie finished her pastel pink quilt top Wednesday, and I got it quilted last night, jsut have to bind it today....she also has helped me finish the red/white/blue pinwheel quilt....she sorted the blocks into rows for me to sew, which really did decrease my time in doing it....I didn;t have to take the time to sort between each row---I just sewed it the way she handed it to me......it is definitely colorful......now I have a quilt to make for her out of hot pink/black/assorted other colors...more in tune with the tween she is becoming.....she is at such a funky stage---she is very much a little girl, but she tries to emulate the older girls--at least to the degree we let her.....there is a lot about her older sisters we don;'t even let her know about, but the nail polishes and stuff is fairly harmless....we try to watch her music-Kate is real fond of sharing her Ipod with her, and I have to stop her and question what is actually on the player......but the tyring to be older stuff is fairly normal....we just try to stop the worst of it for the moment......at least Ron and I are united in what we will allow and what we won't and that will be a big help as she gets older and tests her boundaries further....

Shellie has been a pretty good kid this week...she misses her brothers a lot, so I have made sure she has talked to at least one of them, if not both, each time I do. She likes to play with the neighbor girl who is in her grade at school, so they spend quite a bit of time floating between the two houses.....I like to see her have a girl playmate....her cousin Erin and she don't get a whole lot of time together, and most of the girls around here, while nice, are a little older and either don't have the patience to deal with the younger girls or already have their "set"...yeah you know how that goes....they all get along, but.....Amber is a nice girl...she and Shellie both have that "I want to play what I want to play" mindset at times.....and both sets of parents are about equally matched in what we expect of our kids behavior-wise....and how we get there.......

well, the sky is finally starting to lighten, so I guess I'll go to WVdot and ODOT to see how the roads are and then go wake my hubby up to see what he wants to do.....

later, gators.....

the view from reality

Our dreams say "we want to do this or go to this school or have this job..." Then when the bill hits and reality sets in....

Going through the college search with the oldest son.....his dad has him right now for visitation, and I just got off the phone with the dad and am so frustrated.......he is trying to be the dad he damn well should have been 10 and 12 years ago when he walked out the door on us. Not that I'm not a hell of a lot happier and better off now than I was then, believe me, my husband is the best in the world and if it weren't for the boys, I would wish we had always been together.....But now, when the boys are a senior and sophomore in high school, he tries to get me to think he suddenly knows what is best for these boys as far as their high school courses and college dreams and so on...

And what aggravates me the most is that he thinks he can get by with it.....he thinks he is holding all the cards and he has no cards to hold.....as I reminded him today, I am custodial and in charge of their education. I also reminded him that we have 5 kids and NONE of them are going to put our finances in jeopardy just to go to college. The kids know that....they all seem to understand that college is a heck of a lot more expensive now than it was when he and I went to school. We were fortunate (or not, depends on your viewpoint) to be able to go to school away from home. I went to school 4 hrs away from my folks and he, two. We worked and got student loans.....I don't know about him, but I finally paid mine off about 5 years ago, well past the 10 yr time frame. I am not going back into debt just to put my kids through school...It may sound selfish, but quite frankly, the money is not there in the foreseeable future. We are 3 1/2 yrs into a 30 yr mortgage, looking at having to get new (at least new to us) vehicles in the next couple years (if it can wait that long), and I'm sorry but his child support does not cover all it needs to cover.

So if I seem less than enthused about the fact that my oldest has picked colleges that are private and out of state then I'm sorry. But the reality is that scholarships and grants cannot just be yanked out of thin air. Great grades are not a guarantee of any financial help whatsoever. I had a 3.8 in high school and got NOTHING.....I begged for every dime of grant money I got....I went to school on part time jobs and loans......I put great rips in the fabric of the relationship between my parents and myself over my failure to pay back loans for which they had cosigned.....fortunately the rips were repairable. I do not want that for my kids.....I want them to have a future, and that entails post high school education, meaning college for their chosen goals, but they are going to have to do it the old fashioned way--if the money isn't there, then they have to work for it.

And contrary to what my ex thinks, I am not trying to hold my son back and piss on his dreams. I am trying to show him what reality is so that he may make an informed decision. I am not a stupid person....I do remember what it was like to be 16 and 17 and want to be your own person and be away from the rules of home, and so on......I really do sympathize with my son's wishes...

But I am also getting really tired already of being make out to be the bad guy...My ex has the kids for 5 weeks--this is near the end of the second, and he is already showing himself to be brainwashing them again.....and I am tired to death of being second guessed on every decision I have ever made concerning them......he even took it to the driving issue----the oldest should have a part time job this school year....I agree......my viewpoint is on Fridays and Saturdays, great....around the hours of mine and Ronnie's jobs, great...so the ex throws in that well he could get his license....I don't let teens drive---once they hit 18 that's one thing..i am not responsible for their decisions at that point.....I am also not paying for insurance for a 16 yr old boy...mine is high enough with no high risk factors on my record....my ex just doesn't seem to get it. I don't know if his folks took care of all that stuff while he was growing up or what....but I just don't feel he has a firm grasp on the reality of being responsible for the education and health and well being of a teenager....

But then again, why should he----he never had to be responsible for them except for visitation times while they were growing up, so now that they are almost grown, how would he know what they need or what is involved with them......

my husband

Ronnie is going through a tough time--he is two weeks (YAY!!!) into stopping his tobacco use. He has used chewing tobacco since his early teens, nearly 30 years ago, but a recent health scare gave him the determination to beat it once and for all. But it is a process, just like the ending of any addiction, and it is day by day. And it is tougher than even he realizes sometimes, I think.....

Now there are obvious rewards to this---he is making his health better in the long run by getting rid of this nasty stuff. There are no more nasty floating pieces of the junk visible when he talks or smiles or laughs....and I get to kiss my husband any time I want now.....LOL.

But there are downsides too....the little voices that all of us have that tell us to do whatever we want are trying their darndest to work on him to get another can and dip into it, doesn't that feel good, Ronnie? And he is very good at telling the voices where they can go to---and it is not a nice place......his nerves are working overtime since he doesn't have that crutch to lean on...

And my rock, my tower of strength, is leaning more and more on me to be his strength, his rock. Now I have no complaints. We got married for better or for worse, and if this is the worse it gets, fantastic!! This is for his health and our future---I am very glad he is leaning on me to get through this.....I am trying to be as encouraging as I can without being patronizing, if that makes any sense....I am encouraging the kids to show more love and all so that he knows they get it too....

And through it all, we are finding that not only are we each other's strength, but that we are leaning more on God to get him through it...For God is our true strength, our Rock in times of trouble and need....I pray daily, and then some, and I know Ron is too, to get him through it..to help him when the desire for that fix gets so strong....

And now a kind of funny note---a few months ago, I bought the movie "Fireproof", about a marriage on the rocks and how the husband worked to get it back....wonderful movie, and sad to think that we know so very few couples besides us who honestly have no need for the movie, although we have found several opportunities through some of the ideas in it to even further strengthen our marriage. It is about something called "the Love Dare"--40 days of little things to do to show your spouse your love. Sometimes it is making dinner for them, or just calling to say "I love you." That simple, folks. I got an accompanying tshirt that says "Do you dare---the love dare", and I get people commenting very positively on it.

Well, at Family Bookstores at the mall the other day, I found two tshirts that i thought were cute, so I got them, knowing I may have to bring them back if Ronnie wouldn't wear one. Mine says " I love my husband" and of course his says " I love my wife". Well yesterday he wore his to work---at a church--and the comments he got were, "yeah what;s it say on the back" like there was a punchline.....yet when we went to the craft stores and Walmart in the afternoon, people were saying "oh how cute" and "where can I get those at?"

Then again, maybe it's not so funny as it is sad, that people have so little expectation of true honest love between a man and wife these days. It seems that once people get beyond the "what can this person do FOR me" and the sex, there is nothing there. And it is sad....there are very few marriages like my folks, who will celebrate 43 years together next month, as Ron and I celebrate 9 years.....There is no bed of roses, guys and gals, and any marriage is going to take work, just like all other relationships. But true commitment just seems to be lacking today, and in the last 30 years or so...We don't look at it as sex is the be-all and end-all of the relationship...Lordamercy, and don't get me wrong even though I am not going to give details---it's good , but not the biggest reason we stay together.....we have a deep connection built through love and respect for each other. We are not the same person, although our kids accuse us of sharing a brain, the way we finish each others sentences or come out with the sames words at the same time.....we are not even the same people we were when we first met....but we have grown together instead of apart by being involved with each other and the changes---we enjoy each other's hobbies and the fruits of them, such as my quilts and his garden vegetables---in ways the exes never would have. We talk all the time---we tell people we had to get married just to get some sleep, because we would have a date, and then we would call each other to make sure whoever was driving had gotten home ok, and talk for hours on the phone. I don't know how we did not lose our jobs becasue of the lack of sleep we got.....

And we still have nights like that.....although now the kids are a huge topic for us---at age 7 through 19, there is a lot of ground to cover.......

And we have differing interests....and opinions....but we respect each other's rights to be that way. That is, after all, part of what drew us to each other.....

I love my husband......andI look forward to, God willing, the next 50 years......or whatever He gives us.....

vacation?????

I guess it is a vacation, as I am not at work......but all the ideas for things to do this week went out the window with other stuff that was more urgent.....like dentist appts for me and the kids, and even more urgent--getting tires on the vehicles and getting my oil changed and Ron's inspection done.

So the last vehicle is at the local garage getting new tires and the oil changed, and it is now Friday and we go back to work Monday. Well, like I said, at least we weren't at work this week....we need to go out later and get our stuff for a cookout tomorrow. We hit WallyWorld last night when we took the boys to a birthday party so we could get a brake light and a headlight for the van, and we got the basic necessities--milk, etc....but for good meat we prefer Foodfair over WM anyday.....it just seems fresher.....maybe it's just our perception, since I have never had any problem with the meat from WM, but I just prefer the local shops to anything else....

It's not been a bad week weather wise---cool evenings, and the days have been almost humidity-less, and warm enough to make you sweat if you are active, but not enough to kill you just by walking outside.....

We took a long drive yesterday, Ron and Shel and I......boys begged off so I put them back to their summer reading for school.....we drove down Rt 10 to Harts--Ron hasn't driven it since he and his ex split almost 10 yrs ago and I drove it last about 3 yrs ago when I went searching for the Logan paper when the girls' uncle was killed in a horrific car crash, so they would have the obit. He said there were a lot of changes since he was last down there. The biggest I saw since my last trip was the store/gas station at the base of the hill by the family cemetary is gone. Just gone. I had no idea---I had stopped there as my last stop in my newspaper quest that summer. We always had used it as the base of operations, so to speak, when we went grave decorating. My great grandparents are buried at the top of the hill, and if all the trees and stuff hadn't grown up so high, if you looked down over the edge from where they are buried, you could see where my mom grew up---there's now a trailer there I think. I tried to find it yesterday, but wasn't sure of which fork to take off the road.

So after we did that, we drove on to Chapmanville and hit rt 119 back to Charleston, stopping at Southridge for a late lunch/early dinner, then hit WV Quilts in Barboursville to look around...really didn't do any damage this time around, I didn't have the "gotta have it" bug like i normally do---I 've got enough on my plate as it is....

Well, I am going to try to post this--apparently people have been having problems posting their blogs, so we'll see....