my husband

Ronnie is going through a tough time--he is two weeks (YAY!!!) into stopping his tobacco use. He has used chewing tobacco since his early teens, nearly 30 years ago, but a recent health scare gave him the determination to beat it once and for all. But it is a process, just like the ending of any addiction, and it is day by day. And it is tougher than even he realizes sometimes, I think.....

Now there are obvious rewards to this---he is making his health better in the long run by getting rid of this nasty stuff. There are no more nasty floating pieces of the junk visible when he talks or smiles or laughs....and I get to kiss my husband any time I want now.....LOL.

But there are downsides too....the little voices that all of us have that tell us to do whatever we want are trying their darndest to work on him to get another can and dip into it, doesn't that feel good, Ronnie? And he is very good at telling the voices where they can go to---and it is not a nice place......his nerves are working overtime since he doesn't have that crutch to lean on...

And my rock, my tower of strength, is leaning more and more on me to be his strength, his rock. Now I have no complaints. We got married for better or for worse, and if this is the worse it gets, fantastic!! This is for his health and our future---I am very glad he is leaning on me to get through this.....I am trying to be as encouraging as I can without being patronizing, if that makes any sense....I am encouraging the kids to show more love and all so that he knows they get it too....

And through it all, we are finding that not only are we each other's strength, but that we are leaning more on God to get him through it...For God is our true strength, our Rock in times of trouble and need....I pray daily, and then some, and I know Ron is too, to get him through it..to help him when the desire for that fix gets so strong....

And now a kind of funny note---a few months ago, I bought the movie "Fireproof", about a marriage on the rocks and how the husband worked to get it back....wonderful movie, and sad to think that we know so very few couples besides us who honestly have no need for the movie, although we have found several opportunities through some of the ideas in it to even further strengthen our marriage. It is about something called "the Love Dare"--40 days of little things to do to show your spouse your love. Sometimes it is making dinner for them, or just calling to say "I love you." That simple, folks. I got an accompanying tshirt that says "Do you dare---the love dare", and I get people commenting very positively on it.

Well, at Family Bookstores at the mall the other day, I found two tshirts that i thought were cute, so I got them, knowing I may have to bring them back if Ronnie wouldn't wear one. Mine says " I love my husband" and of course his says " I love my wife". Well yesterday he wore his to work---at a church--and the comments he got were, "yeah what;s it say on the back" like there was a punchline.....yet when we went to the craft stores and Walmart in the afternoon, people were saying "oh how cute" and "where can I get those at?"

Then again, maybe it's not so funny as it is sad, that people have so little expectation of true honest love between a man and wife these days. It seems that once people get beyond the "what can this person do FOR me" and the sex, there is nothing there. And it is sad....there are very few marriages like my folks, who will celebrate 43 years together next month, as Ron and I celebrate 9 years.....There is no bed of roses, guys and gals, and any marriage is going to take work, just like all other relationships. But true commitment just seems to be lacking today, and in the last 30 years or so...We don't look at it as sex is the be-all and end-all of the relationship...Lordamercy, and don't get me wrong even though I am not going to give details---it's good , but not the biggest reason we stay together.....we have a deep connection built through love and respect for each other. We are not the same person, although our kids accuse us of sharing a brain, the way we finish each others sentences or come out with the sames words at the same time.....we are not even the same people we were when we first met....but we have grown together instead of apart by being involved with each other and the changes---we enjoy each other's hobbies and the fruits of them, such as my quilts and his garden vegetables---in ways the exes never would have. We talk all the time---we tell people we had to get married just to get some sleep, because we would have a date, and then we would call each other to make sure whoever was driving had gotten home ok, and talk for hours on the phone. I don't know how we did not lose our jobs becasue of the lack of sleep we got.....

And we still have nights like that.....although now the kids are a huge topic for us---at age 7 through 19, there is a lot of ground to cover.......

And we have differing interests....and opinions....but we respect each other's rights to be that way. That is, after all, part of what drew us to each other.....

I love my husband......andI look forward to, God willing, the next 50 years......or whatever He gives us.....