Traveling to my sons' school the other day to pick them up for an orthodontist appointment, I was listening to my favorite radio station. It carries a national feed of music with no commercials. Generally it is a very enjoyable station to listen to, and musicwise that day it still was.
But one brief clip just got my goat. It was from the Focus on the Family institute. Now a lot of times they talk good sense, and I'm not saying there was not good sense behind the clip of the day, but I don't think they took their study far enough to really know what they are talking about.
It was on divorce. Their study states that less than 25% of families in this country are nuclear families---mom, dad, kids under the same roof. The lowest it has ever been. Ok, since I wasn't one of those asked to take part, I won't quibble with their statistic. I really don't figure it is that far off.
But in their discussion they brought up that increasingly counselors are seeing children of broken homes and that the parents excuse was that they divorced for the sake of the kids. Well, I usually hear it the other way around--that you stay together for the sake of the kids, but be that is it may, I have also seen the occasional relationship where once the last child hits 18, parents head to divorce court.
Their solution at Focus is to stay together for the sake of the kids. To go to counseling or whatever it takes to keep the family unit intact. That splitting up does way more irreparable harm than good to the kids in all cases. The only reason to divorce is physical or emotional abuse. Otherwise it is just selfishness on the part of the adults.
I give. I see that. I have heard way too many couples who enter a marital relationship with the "well if this doesn't work out, we'll just divorce and move on to the next" attitude. And they do. Several months or years down the road, one or the other decides they are "just not happy anymore" and split, leaving behind their spouse and kids for their own selfish motives.
But then there are those of us who have lived the nightmare of divorce that could have been avoided if only......if only the other person would have attended counseling with us, if only the other person were willing to change the behavior that sundered the relationship, if only the other person would give up their "thang" on the side.......
My husband and I have both been through it. My ex left claiming he just wasn't happy. Now I fully admit that we were not good for each other and marriage was probably not our smartest move.....although we would never have thought so at the start....and I have my suspicions as to what the true source of his feelings were.....and my husband now divorced a wife who was cheating on him and refused to stop. In each case we tried to pull the marriage back together and the other party refused to change the behavior in any way, even though we were doing all we could to facilitate it. It comes to a point where when Mom and Dad have reduced themselves to the point of screaming epithets at each other and that is conversation, it's time to get out. FOR the sake of the kids..
I did not want my kids to grow up in an unhappy household. Day to day bickering, arguing, downright fighting, and the constant tension and all beats a kid down faster than the parents splitting up. I saw it in my relationship with my ex, and I see it in the relationship of a good friend and her husband....when even the kids say it's time for and end to it, then what do you do? When the kids' grades and attitudes start to plummet with all the tension and fighting and sniping in the house, and it spills over to them.....it's time to go.
Sorry Focus on the Family, I usually do not have a problem with your viewpoint on a variety of things, but on this one I do.....I have lived it, therefore I know of what I speak. Apparently, and fortunately, you haven't...and you should thank God for it......
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