introspection

Being introspective isn't such a bad thing...the last few days, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life and that of my family. Probably spurred on by the changing of the old year to the new and the funeral of my uncle.

I am a mouthy person, opinionated, sarcastic, tell it like I see it kind of person.....sometimes I think I am a hard person too.....I love deeply and passionately when I love....my husband and my family and friends all know this, but sometimes I feel that side of me gets lost in the everyday mundane routine of work and home.....Lots of times I feel as if all I do is order and command others to do stuff, and yell and scream and pout if they don't....not how I want to be. I don't like to yell, and I don't like to order people around; I do enough of that at work.

So I've got a plan, sort of....first we start by cleaning and organizing the house and our lives.....and downsize as we do....if we haven't used it, don't wear it, won't play with it, then out it goes.....if we have to load down both trucks several times and haul the crap away, so be it. My thinking is that the simpler we make our home life, the more hassle free it will be. There is too much stuff in the house, and the garage and the shed and our lives in general......all it does is clutter and get in the way.....which then aggravates various members of the family, generally the adults, and it's all downhill from there....I don't like it. So I must work to change it.....

Hopefully that will end up taking care of some of the frustration I feel around here. Hence, less yelling and more fun......

Next, I feel a very real need to get my spiritual life back in line. It's been over a year since I went to church, probably that long since I opened my Bible. I listen randomly to K-Love radio when I am driving, and it helps, but I need a spiritual meal, not just a snack....if church is not something I can feasibly do, then I must read and study my Bible like I used to when I was first saved, back in college...Back then I couldn't wait to get home from class or work and just dig in to my Bible study. Campus Crusade was a wonderful outlet also. Now I have a big case of "no time", when actually I just need to make it a priority. Which is more important, Facebook or my relationship with God?   Yes, that was a rhetorical question.....

I need to make time for each of my children, and truly listen to what they have to say, instead of relying on the sound bites as they race for the school bus or as we rush around in the evenings between dinner prep and bedtime prep and everything that occurs in between.....my oldest is already in college, and thank goodness for email and facebook--we do talk pretty regularly, but my younger son is halfway thru his junior year of high school, already doing the college tests and so on, and my youngest child, well heck she is smarter than all of us put together, and doesn't hesitate to tell us so....LOL.....

Everything I want to do to try to better our lives, I need help with....prayers, too....my family has to pitch in and just do without waiting for me to tell them what to do.....I need to just do, instead of simply coming in from work and collapsing into the nearest unoccupied piece of furniture......